This isn’t what I planned to write about.

There are few things less interesting than listening to someone else complain about their general health, right?

I’m alive and functioning, and that’s really all you need to know.

But ultimately, I decided:

1. This is a blog somewhat dedicated to chronicling where I’m at in life, therefore making this relevant
2. Someone else out there in the world may have similar issues, and maybe in some small way, this will help

I’ll take one for the team.

Behind the glamorous (ha) Instagram facade, I’ve been dealing with itchy, diseased-looking head-to-toe hives for at least twenty days now. Maybe longer; at first, I assumed they were bug bites and didn’t give it much thought. I’d never had them before, so it wasn’t even in my realm of thought.

Luckily, the hives allow me a little breathing room during the day, but come nightfall, they’re vying for my attention with everything they’ve got. Some nights are tolerable, and I can make myself go to sleep; other nights I’m too miserable. Sometimes my legs are covered while the rest of my body is mostly fine; other times it’s all across my upper body and face, but not too bad on my legs. Sometimes it’s horrible everywhere, and sometimes it’s so horrible that my eyes and lips swell up seemingly just to spite me, and that really sucks. Itchy palms are almost worse though.

It’s hard to know if there are any other symptoms. My hands and fingers have been bothering me more than usual lately; it’s been an ongoing thing for a couple of years, so I don’t know if the increase in pain is related or not. Bruises have also started popping up everywhere; once again, no idea if it’s related, or if I’m just banging into all the things lately.

No stone has been left unturned in my quest for answers as to why the heck this is happening to me. I’ve gotten rid of anything and everything new to my life, changed back to an old laundry detergent, tried tons of different soaps and shampoos, wasn’t around my dog for almost a week, even switched sides of the country. I’ve tracked what I’ve eaten, been taking all kinds of probiotics, and haven’t had gluten or dairy for over a week. There’s no discernible rhyme or reason to it.

At this point, I don’t think it’s any kind of classic allergy or environmental factor. Today, however, I did order a Pinnertest kit to officially check for any food intolerances, so I should have some results within the next two weeks.

It could be stress. That’s what everyone keeps telling me. “Are you really stressing out this much over XYZ? You’re creating way too much in your head. You need to see a counselor.” There has been some stress in my life lately, but I’ve been stressed way more than this in the past, and I’ve never contracted hives as a result. I don’t feel like it’s that big of an issue, so if it really is stress, it’s 100% subconscious.

In my research, I’ve discovered that hives often accompany autoimmune diseases, and go figure, I have at least one. White, pigment-less patches of vitiligo started popping up on my skin when I was around ten. My grandmother has it as well, so it wasn’t completely out of the blue. It’s not ideal, and I hate that it had to find its way to me so early – it’s more common for vitiligo to start showing up a little later in life – but it’s manageable. The white patches aren’t cute, but luckily my skin is light enough to where you may not notice if you’re not particularly observant and I don’t point it out. They’ve ruined any hope of gaining a nice-looking tan as they slowly eat away at my healthy skin, but who needs a tan anyway? The spots get sunburned like nobody’s business if I’m not careful, and then they swell and itch even worse than the hives, but still. As far as health problems go, easy-peasy. There are so many worse things I could be dealing with. I know that.

The trouble comes in that, if you have one autoimmune issue, you’re pretty much destined to pick up more, not necessarily life-threatening, but certainly life-hindering, autoimmune problems as you go about life. Vitiligo may not be directly linked to hives, but vitiligo is linked to other autoimmune problems that are linked to hives.

There are worse things, yes. But it’s still sort of hard. There’s nothing like sitting on your bed, stretching your legs out in front of you and watching these colonies of red bumps start appearing on your skin in front of your very eyes. I look down and see my legs covered in hives, bruises, spider veins, regular veins, scars, and patches of skin devoid of pigmentation. I’m conscious about the food I eat, I exercise regularly, and I haven’t been sore-throat-sick within the last couple years (knock on wood), and I still can’t win. I think this is the best you’ll look in life, yet look where you are. Just wait ten years. Twenty. The hives have only been here a few weeks, but of course, I jump to the worst-case scenario and wonder if they’ll ever leave for good. What if I’m covered in hives every night of my life until I die?

That’s fun.

Real attractive, too.

The war with myself literally never ends.  For almost as long as I can remember, I have been tearing myself up, both in my brain and physically inside my body. When I’m not slamming my own mind into a wall, my body is destroying the things it needs to survive healthily. I am shredding myself up, and I can’t stop.

There’s always hope for changing the mind, but the body is another thing. Nobody has solid answers on this. There’s not a whole lot of known information about the cause and treatment of autoimmune diseases, and the best doctors can typically do is prescribe medication to smother the symptoms.

Call me crazy, but I don’t want that in my body.

Either I can sit here with a grin and bear it while it does its thing, or I can try to do something about it on my own.

A lot of holistic doctors believe food causes autoimmune diseases, and that the correct food can manage them. There is a lack of scientific evidence, but there are a myriad of success stories. I won’t try to explain what exactly is going on internally with all this, but there are a trove of articles floating around the web if you care to do homework.

The diet plans to heal the body are, of course, obsessively healthy, so I figure I’ll go for it. Worst case, I’ll have deprived myself of all food-related joy for a month, and I’ll still be right where I am today. In the grand scheme of things, that’s nothing. I have nothing to lose, and a lot to gain.

For the next month, I’m following the 30-Day Reset Autoimmune Diet Plan on the Wellness Mama blog. I’ll reevaluate the situation at the end of the month, maybe go another month, maybe cry into a bag of Cheetos. Who knows?

I’ll also be taking zinc, vitamin B12 and B complex.

I don’t know what, if anything, I’m going to get out of this. Whatever it is or isn’t, I’ll tell you, and I’ll be entirely honest about it. The primary goal is to get rid of these hives. It would be cool if some other noticeable change happened, but the hives would definitely be good enough for me.

I started last night, and things have been okay so far. I can make myself deal with meals solely revolving around meat and some vegetables; it’s the snacking that does me in. Forget cake and ice cream and pie and cookies, give me all the salty snack foods instead. I can’t have any of that right now. There’s a big, unopened bag of Cheetos in my house that I want so bad. A box of graham crackers. Peanut butter. I live off of peanut butter. Salsa, because I’m not supposed to have tomatoes (not that I could have tortilla chips anyway). Coffee. Gosh, the coffee I’m going to miss. I’m going out to a coffee shop this weekend with someone, but there’s nothing there I can consume. I have a coupon for a free breakfast at Chick-fil-A that’s going to expire, and that breaks my heart a little bit.

I may end up giving in on little things here and there. Apple slices dipped in guacamole have become my new go-to snack, but I’m still not getting the crunch I crave. The Sweet Vinegar flavor of Boulder Canyon chips give me life and have a short list of pretty decent ingredients, so I may allow those to help me get through. Maybe I’ll have one cup of decaf coffee with a drop of cream this weekend. We’ll see. Don’t wanna get too crazy up in here.

I will say though; you don’t realize just how big of a role food plays in your life until you’re heavily restricted. First world problems, I know.

Appreciate your life and health for a moment. Enjoy an itch-free sleep tonight. Look at your legs and appreciate them, imperfections and all, because at least they’re healthy and functioning without a wheelchair (unless you are in a wheelchair, and for that, I am truly sorry).

Eat something good.

Really savor and appreciate it.

Feel the texture in your mouth.

The sound it makes when you bite into it.

But maybe don’t tell me about it or I may cry in this state of withdrawal.

Pray for me, guys. It’s only been just over a day and I already need stamina and emotional support.

I’m kidding.

Well, kinda.